Close To The Full Moon
by Complexly Simple Kiddo
Summary: Complete. The full moon is getting closer, and the wolf inside starts calling. With that comes the usual doubts, but this time, the hunger is different... The hunger calls for something else. Something more desperate. Something maybe Sirius can give. Remu
1. Chapter 1

**Genre:** He. Hehe. No idea. How about a Romantic Friendship? Or a Funny Drama:D I can tell you for sure there will probably be lots of things. Nothing extremely sad, I'm a Happy Ending sucker.

**Rating:** hummm, R or a bit higher in this one, developing into an M if I get to keep it going?

**Parings:** Sirius and Remus. This one has mostly friendly interest. Or more, if you look really close or have my mind :P Developing into a SxR if I keep it going.

**Warnings:** hum. Language, a bit. Violence? Not brutal violence, just, yanno… not angst, not deaths, just teens and they're wonderings. Sap? Hey! They're friends! They say happy things:D

**Disclaimer:** Hahahaha….naaaah, don't own'em. Wait. Do you? O.o

**Author's note:** Ok. Same stuff, I don't have any beta and I probably need one. If you see any mistakes, and you surely will, inform me if they bother you or ignore them if they don't. Beta, anyone? grin

And about the fic. This is the first part of something that will probably have three or four parts. If someone's interested in the continuation, that is. So, read and tell me:D To review is so easy that it should be illegal ;P

**Close to the full moon**

**By Complexly Simple Kiddo**

There was moonlight in his angered features. It shone as if it was painted, as if it was alive. His amber eyes didn't left the window, where the almost full moon stood proud, as if mocking him. There was emptiness in that look, there was anger, fury. There was solitude. And blame.

He kept his gaze in the shining orb, as if challenging it to be full. But he knew better. He knew the moon would be full for sure, and it wouldn't even hesitate, challenge or not. He knew he despised it, and still couldn't help it. He felt so close to it, so damn close.

"Why is it" he started with a hoarse voice, empty tone, to no one in particular as he was all alone "that something so… beautiful…can bring such a harm?" he hesitated in the word beautiful. But he knew it was, everybody thought that way, and he was no exception. Even… even if it was different for him. So different…

He noticed a cloud heading in the moon's direction. And he stood still, waiting. The cloud passed by, and almost managed to cover the brightness. Almost. And he couldn't help it, he laughed. He had to, because otherwise, he would lose his sanity. Or maybe he would loose it. There was a difference, after all. Sometimes he even wondered if he still had any sanity left.

His bitter laugh ended; a laugh that didn't reach his eyes.

"So that's how it goes, isn't it? You shine, high and proud, and I suffer. Just like that" he said in a matter-of-fact tone. "After all, it's easier for both of us. You play your role. The nonchalant stylish character you are, while I play the character who's always in pain, who suffer, the one that everybody pitied."

He was now closer to the window, with each word he stood closer and closer, until his face was inches from the steamed glass. His hand reached up, and he placed his fingertips in it, leaving a trail from up to down, and then again, as if testing the material, trying it, wondering if he could…

The crashes sounded loud and clear in the night, in the empty room. Pieces of glass were now scattered in the carpet below the window, spread in the window-sill, embedded in his hand. And when the blood started to pour, the slowness of everything changed. His smell, amplified because of the close full moon, captured the scent. That metallic, beautiful scent that the beast inside him loved so much, craved with all his soul, even if he thought it didn't have one. And he couldn't stand it anymore. Maybe it was because of the influence of the wolf that started early to crawl deep inside him, scratching his skin from the inside. Maybe it was because he was just angry. He couldn't define it and, honestly, he didn't even care. But the slowness dissolved in an instant, and soon there were not only broken glass in the floor. It was so loud, so brutal, to just let go, not to care. It felt just so bloody nice to let the anger surface, to let it loose, and to not even care. It felt different, to just for one time, give in. He was so tired of fighting it, so tired. And when he stood amongst the chaos of the wrecked room, and a single beam of moonlight caressed his face, he let himself go. His face contorted into a feature never seen before in him, his eyes so closed that his temple was all wrinkled, his mouth open in a silent scream, although not for so long.

"What is it? WHAT IS IT YOU WANT FROM ME?" He screamed, and he crumbled to the floor, with the sheer force of the shout, head shaking, bowed. "I'M SO TIRED OF THIS! I WANT TO GIVE IN, I DON'T CARE ANYMORE! WHY DON'T YOU JUST KILL ME?"

Panting, he grabbed the first thing he had by hand and prepared to throw it to the moon, as if he really believed it would hurt it. But when his hand brushed the glass of a portrait, he looked down.

There it was; the thing that started it all. Four persons stood in the picture, one was him, and the other three…

The other three…

Friends. Is was such a funny thing, to be the way he was, and to have them. One should think it's special; but, was it? He traced a finger over the smiling faces, leaving a trail of blood, and smiled bitterly. What an analogy, blood in his friend's faces.

It was not a blessing, but a curse. A curse to be designed just for him. He had friends, so now he must live scared. It's a price you must pay for happiness. Even if sometimes the price is bigger and it swallows the happiness. He lived scared, scared to hurt them at any time, scared to lose them and stay alone, knowing what happiness felt, having tasted a bit, then loneliness wouldn't be okay anymore. It will hurt more. Scared of that analogy that was in his hand, the faces of his friends drenched in his blood. And the funny thing was that, even if he would try to clean it, he would only succeed on spreading it the more.

How funny.

How bloody funny.

His destiny was to live in loneliness, and so he was cursed with friends. Such happiness, it was all a joke, 'befriend the werewolf, and he won't bite you'. He laughed. Such a bitter laugh.

"Oh, but the wolf will bite you" he whispered into the emptiness, with a mocking smile in his lips. It didn't take too much time for that mocking to turn into sadness "the wolf will still bite you"

"Remus?"

Someone whispered from the doorway, and it barely reached his ears. He didn't look up, didn't need to. He could recognize that voice anywhere. He shuddered, but he spoke firmly.

"The wolf could still bite you, Sirius, no matter what."

The voice was so soft, so fragile, almost imperceptible, but it held such strength behind.

Footsteps in the dark, muffled by the carpet. A foot knocking the edge of the chaos. And the footsteps stopped.

"What happened here?" Sirius asked softly, trying to adjust his vision to the darkness and to see something. Remus didn't move, didn't say a thing. 'You'll see, my friend' he thought 'you'll see the chaos, and this time… this time, the wolf won't be here to blame. You're not afraid of the wolf, but you should be afraid of me instead' he softly whispered, though he didn't even notice he said that aloud.

"What are you talking about, Remus? What happened here? Where _are_ you?" Sirius panicked voice asked, still from somewhere in the darkness. Remus didn't answer that, he just kept murmuring.

"The wolf may bite you, but _I_'ll kill you". Sirius heard this, and started to get afraid. Not for him, but for his friend, so he tried to follow the voice and not to fall because of the mess in the floor. And he finally found him, beside the window, in the floor, all curled up bracing his knees and with an empty look, the beam of moonlight almost touching his left cheek. When Sirius finally crouched to reach him, he noticed the blood in Remus hands.

"Shit, Rem, what happened to you?" The voice sounded so close that Remus flinched away. He hadn't noticed Sirius getting closer, so he pressed himself to the wall, close to the corner of the room, away from his friend.

"Go away, Sirius" he said; a hard tone in his voice "you shouldn't be here"

"Why not?" Sirius asked, closing the distance again. Now he was right below the beam of light, his black hair shining in an opaque dusty way, making him look older; his grey eyes fixed in amber ones. When he noticed that Remus wasn't going to answer, he kept going. "What have you done to yourself? Look at your hands! Remus, _look_ at me!" He ordered. Remus did as he was told; And Sirius flinched at the emptiness in those eyes. "We will never leave your side" he said solemnly, and Remus smiled.

A cynic smile.

A sadistic smile.

"No, you won't. And by that, you condemn us all"

"You're talking nonsense, Moony, come on!" He tried to grab Remus hand and found himself grabbed in return, with such a force that it started to hurt. Sirius looked up, and found Remus stare fixed in his eyes. Those empty angered eyes.

When Remus started to talk, he didn't sound as himself, his voice rough, hoarse, and deep, with such a strength that he was trembling.

"What would you know about nonsense? What would you know about not leaving sides? About being what I am?" Sirius eyes widened with each word. He couldn't believe the malice that dripped of that voice, never from him. Never. And still…

Remus smiled.

"I can see it, you know? You're not afraid of the wolf, and you shouldn't. But I think" he paused, and frowned, thinking "yes, I think you're afraid of me, and you better be" He looked down, where his hand was grabbing Sirius's so strongly, his own blood drenching Sirius pale skin. "Now you have my blood in your hands, not because of you but because of me" he looked up, finally, and meet Sirius gaze "and you'll deserve it, for that's what you get for trying to befriend the werewolf". Sirius frowned at this and shook his head, strands of hair letting loose of his hair tie.

"If I ever let your blood in my hands, it's because I wanted to protect you, and that will not kill my soul. But it will never happen, Moony, that's why Padfoot's here for. That's why _I_ am here for". A tentative smile. So far from the always present and confident one that Sirius had, that it looked misplaced in his face.

Remus laughed at that. It was more like an explosion of air, and he widened his eyes as if trying to take in the whole world at once.

"Padfoot? Padfoot, Sirius, in nothing more but an extension of yourself. If your soul dies, he will die with you. If my soul were to die, then the wolf would simply take over" Sirius frowned again and was about to retort when Remus laughed again, sounding almost like a bark, much like Sirius's laughter. "Hell, Sirius! I even think he doesn't need any soul to die to take over, he's already doing that!"

Sirius stepped back, surprised.

"He?" his caring eyes were blackened with anger. "Since when it's a _he_? We already told you, Rem! Why can't you just understand that the wolf is a part of you! And why the fuck can't you for once accept that we love you anyway!" He looked aside; he couldn't stand the look of those empty yellowish eyes. He dropped his gaze and it landed on the photo Remus had in his hand. He saw the four smiling faces covered in blood and suddenly a thought entered his mind. Unwanted, but no less true; sort of an epiphany. He sighed, grabbed the photo and smile saddened.

"Why, Rem? We may have so little time, you know? Why do you feel the need to throw all this work every time? Why do you keep doing this to you? Can't you see I…"

"Why, you ask?" He interrupted. "Why? BECAUSE I'M A MONSTER, THAT'S WHY! AND THIS IS WHAT MONSTERS DO!" Sirius's face showed so many emotions in those few seconds. Surprise, disbelief, anger, and finally, resolution.

While Remus stayed panting because of that outburst, Sirius looked at him with decision.

"Is that so?" Remus didn't thought dignified to answer that question, so Sirius simply grabbed one of the bigger pieces of broken glass and put it in Remus hands, while still trying to catch his gaze. When he finally looked from the piece of glass in his hand, to Sirius hand in the floor, to Sirius's darkened eyes, he continued "Then do it. If you're a monster, as you insist in calling yourself, then do it, Rem. Go ahead and kill me. Show me you're really a monster, and I will die to believe you".

Remus looked hard into Sirius daring eyes. He slowly grabbed the glass stronger, the sharp edges slicing his already mistreated skin, and with blind determination he launched himself forward. Sirius fell to the floor by the impact, Remus hovering above him. The piece of glass between his eyes, just one inch away from touching the skin. Deathly silence fell upon them in the static tight scene, both motionless, staring at each other. Sirius gaze went from the glass before his face to Remus eyes, and he found a little speck of indecision. He grabbed into that with all his hope. Slowly so he wouldn't scare Remus, he murmured. The words echoing in the stillness of the room.

"You can't, can you?"

Remus face contorted into a pained expression and looked away, suddenly Sirius's gaze being too much to endure. The glass lowered a millimeter, slipped from Remus grip and fell onto the carpet with an ominous 'thud'.

"Damn you, Sirius" he murmured between clenched teeth. "Why?" he grimaced, still with the same pained expression, eyes closed as if he didn't even dare to see the truth. He wanted to ask a lot of questions but suddenly realized that the one that summarize them all was just 'why'. Sirius let out the breath he didn't knew was holding and smiled a tiny smile, so different from his wicked grin, his day to day mischievous leer and know-it-all smile. This was Sirius, this tiny smile was the real him. It felt truer than all the others.

"Because" He said, and Remus looked at him, surprise in his features. He wasn't expecting that, nor was he expecting to see the smile disappear into a serious and frank expression, as if daring Remus to disagree. He almost never saw that face in Sirius.

"That's all? Just 'because'?" Remus asked, and Sirius frowned at that. Wasn't that enough? Did he had to have more reasons than that? It was just so…

And then he understood. Remus was testing him. If the reason could be that simple, then perhaps Remus could start to believe. He smiled again in comprehension and nodded firmly.

"Just because".

Then it happened. Remus façade soon dismantled into a milliard of expressions, from regret and shame to gratitude and forgiveness. Tears started to gather in his eyes but he wouldn't let them go. 'Stubborn bastard' Sirius thought, and grabbed Remus neck with his hand to push him into a reassuring embrace.

"Just because, Rem"

Remus first froze with the contact but then relaxed, as if all his strength were being absorbed. Sirius expected to hear sobs, but even then he wouldn't cry. He had yet to see Remus cry. Soon, he heard something, muffled by clothes and a tight throat.

"What if I had killed you?"

Sirius thought about that. He almost answered 'I rather die by your hands than by any other', but he just knew Remus would misunderstand him, so he answered instead

" I rather take that chance than see you being consumed by a lie and senseless anguish". And even if he couldn't see Remus face, he felt the smile in his voice when he heard the soft and muffled 'thanks'. He smiled in return and said

"Anytime, Moony. Anytime".

To be continued…

Now do tell me if ya liked it, huh:D I accept everything, even people telling me that I suck, but ya have to give me a good reason! ;P


	2. Chapter 2

**Special Added Note: Thanks to Wolfie, who warned me about the spelling mistake of Moony's nickname in this chapter! I dunno what happened with me! dizzy look and I knew this could happen when you don't have time to check this things ;-----; So Thanks thanks for warning me, Wolfie :D **

**Thanks for all of those who reviewed! bows Japanese style **

**Em: I didn't take it as flame, and I'm glad you pointed it me, but your review wasn't signed, so I couldn't answer you! Send me a mail or something, because I am interested and I would like to reply **

**Genre:** He. Hehe. No idea. How about a Romantic Friendship? Or a Funny Drama:D I can tell you for sure there will probably be lots of things. Nothing extremely sad, I'm a Happy Ending sucker.

**Rating:** T just to be sure.

**Parings:** Sirius and Remus. Still friendly interest? Mwahahaha. No. More, if you look :P Developing into a SxR

**Warnings:** hum. Language, a bit. Violence? Not brutal violence, just, yanno… not angst, not deaths, just teens and they're wonderings. Sap? Hey! They're friends! They say happy things:D

**Disclaimer:** Hahahaha….naaaah, don't own'em. Wait. Do you? O.o

**Author's note:** Ok. Same stuff, I don't have any beta and I probably need one. If you see any mistakes, and you surely will, inform me if they bother you or ignore them if they don't. Beta, anyone? grin

And about the fic. This is the second part of something that will probably have three or four parts. If someone's interested in the continuation, that is. So, read and tell me:D To review is so easy that it should be illegal ;P

**Close to the full moon**

Chapter 2

**By Complexly Simple Kiddo**

When he woke up, he spent a good minute trying to remember what was wrong. You know that kind of feeling? You just woke up and everything is ok, even if you know it shouldn't be. Something nags at you, so you remember. And then you truly wake up.

He saw around, taking in his surroundings. The curtains of his bed were opened, as always. He didn't like the feel of claustrophobia they gave him. Beams of sunlight crisscrossed the room in a funny way, showing the specs of dust that were in the air. Everything is interesting and amazing when you just wake up.

He took away his attention from the beams of light and looked around again, seeing behind the light this time. He laid his eyes on Remus bed. Scratch that. Rephrase. In Remus empty bed. 'It must be late,' he thought.

Then he remembered.

It was like an old movie you once saw and never could quite remember. And suddenly the images start to appear in your mind, all mixed up.

He saw Remus angered face. He remembered chaos in the floor of the bedroom. He heard Remus wrecked voice, he saw his eyes. He remembered the words…

Lying in his bed, arms spread wide open, hands hanging in the air, head to the side, facing Remus bed, he thought. 'I could have died yesterday'

Did he truly believe it?

A single beam of light coming from one of the windows lay in his stretched hand, in his lax fingers, between his sight and Remus bed. It warmed his hand in a nice way; so nice it was funny when he compared it to his gloomy thoughts. It was one of those things you just notice somehow when you think about something completely different.

He knew he was scared. He would be lying if he said otherwise. But the thing was, scared of what? Was it of Remus himself?

'Sometimes he scares me, yes,' he thought. But he wasn't afraid of Remus hurting him. Somehow, he knew he couldn't. Maybe he was scared of Remus being so unpredictable. Maybe he was afraid that someday he wouldn't believe anymore that they really cared for him. That HE cared for him.

'He doesn't even know how much,' he laughed. Hell! He himself didn't even know how much sometimes. But he couldn't stand the thought of him disappearing. Hell no.

'Am I scared of the wolf?'

No more. No less. As Padfoot, all he felt was some rivalry; a need to establish dominance, to be in control. But he was not scared of the wolf in Remus killing him either. It still was Remus inside for him, and even if that part of him was indeed able to kill him, he still wasn't scared. He didn't know. Maybe it was recklessness. But it was still how he felt, no point in denying it. What he was truly aware was that he had a huge fear of Remus thinking they were with him because they pitied him. He didn't pity him for what he was, as Remus didn't pitied him for what he was either. They just cared for each other, help each other.

Understood each other.

Did he understood himself? When he founded himself thinking of Remus, feeling that simple caring was not what he was feeling, thinking it was much more, he doubted about it. And if it was true, if he really didn't understood himself that much, then how could he understand Remus so?

The same beam of sunlight that was lying in his hand moved, and it brought him back to the reality.

Morning. Breakfast. Hungry.

As soon as his brain realized that, his stomach spoke in accord, and he smiled. Standing up, he looked around and noticed he was completely alone. Guessing it was late; he changed his clothes and headed downstairs to look at his friends, who were probably at the Common Room or in the Great Hall.

Before closing the door of the circular bedroom, he looked one more time around. All traces of yesterday's chaos had been erased before the others came. There was nothing in the floor except James discarded clothes and some of Peter's books. The glass of the broken window had been repaired without further incident, the portrait cleaned, and there weren't any red spots where Remus blood had dripped from his hands. All in all, the room looked exactly as it always looked.

But not for him anymore. Where the window was, he saw the sharp edges of broken glass, the beams of sunlight were not as bright when he looked at them, instead of the yellowish shine, he saw grayish and silver rays. The clean floor had tumbled chairs, white sheets crumpled, papers scattered, and the curled up shape of a very crumbled Remus.

He shook his head, sighed, and closed the door with an ominous sound.

The Great Hall was already crowded with students having breakfast and some more finishing, preparing themselves for a day in the sun having fun, maybe playing beside the lake, some of them –the ones with gloomy faces, he bet- preparing for a study day, probably to catch up some late homework or study for their exams.

He remembered their incoming NEWT's and groaned. 'No study thoughts in Saturdays!' he chastised himself, while walking along the Griffindor table, spotting almost immediately three well known heads.

James raised his head, almost sensing Sirius presence and spotting him. His smile grew and yelled across the spacious room.

"Hey, sleepy head! About time you woke up!" Sirius stopped suddenly, disbelief all written across his face. 'Did he just yelled at me 'sleepy head' through the hall!'

'He's going to die'

With that thought firm in his head, he gave James the finger, and strode across the room to where they were sitting. Getting calmly there, he delivered James comeback in the form of a dry kick in the head. Peter laughed and received a kick from James, punishing him.

"Don't laugh at me," he said. Sirius kicked him again, smiling.

"Don't kick him," he said. James 'owed' and kicked back.

"Don't speak for him," he retorted.

"Don't tell me what to do!" Another kick. Peter busted in laughs just when James was about to answer, hand risen in the air. He and Sirius looked at Peter, and both kicked him at the same time.

"Don't interrupt!" both said, laughing.

Morning rituals are so sacred. Sirius sat in his usual place after the kicking session, a smart smirk in his lips.

A smirk that banished in an instant when his eyes fell upon Remus. He wasn't smiling as usual when James and Sirius mock fought, nor staring at them with disapproval. He was just there, looking at his plate of untouched food and looking visibly pale and sick.

The voices of James and Peter's agitated conversation about the new spot model broom managed to cover his own voice, a fact that he was glad for, since he didn't want them to start asking any awkward questions. Reaching forward, he closed the distance and faced Remus.

"Hey, Moony, are you ok?" He looked up slowly and fixed his amber eyes in Sirius. The steady gaze startled Sirius, since he could see in there that some feelings were not steady at all. How can someone manage a steady gaze showing unstable feelings, it was beyond Sirius comprehension, but he knew what he was looking at: Insecurity.

'Is he afraid I won't remember what I promised him yesterday?' he wondered, hardening his stare at that. Firmly, he said.

"Anytime, ok?" Remus eyes widen a fraction and he looks down again. For a moment, another emotion flashed in the amber orbs, but Sirius wasn't fast enough to completely catch it. Remus nodded a little, and whispered a barely audible 'ok'.

Sirius smiled, momentarily happy, and started to put food on his plate. James and Peter finished their conversation of brooms a moment later, and resumed their eating.

"Why slept so much," asks James between bites of bacon and eggs "I mean, I know you sleep as if you're dead, but we went to sleep early yesterday." Sirius rolled his eyes in exasperation.

"I was having a nice dream" he lied. And then suddenly, he realized it was not a lie at all. The mention of dream brought the realization of having dreamt that night, and the memory of what it was about.

'Oh my fucking god…,' he thought, remembering. The images that came into his brain were too much to take… 'Don't think about it, just don't…,' he chanted. If Sirius Black could afford to look embarrassed, he would have looked like that. But Sirius Black was not a man to be embarrassed. Image and style, you know…

"Oh, really?" asked James, bringing Sirius back to the moment and the current conversation. "I bet it was about sex" He continued, smirking and lowering the volume of his 'Oh-Oh-Watch-Out-I'm-Dirty' voice. Sirius smiles mischievously at that, knowing that in dirty talking he could smash James anytime.

"It's always about sex, honey" He told James, and blew him a kiss. As expected, James grimaced, and dropped the joke. Point for Sirius.

"I'm so tired!" said Peter suddenly, breaking the mood. "I still have one parchment to do for Potions on Monday! And I don't even know what to write!"

Sirius cringed and scowled at him.

"Pete! Pete! Do not talk about homework on Saturdays! It's not right!"

"Besides," said James "what's the difference? You never get them right anyway" Peter pouted at this, and the pout grew bigger at Sirius's laugh. The last one, though, suddenly stopped when he gazed at his sullen friend, still poking at his food. Usually, Remus would defend Peter in those situations, worrying about his friend's low grades. Those situations usually meant that James and Sirius received a scowl. This time, though, Sirius forgot immediately about Peter and looked at the downcast amber eyes of his friend. He was still looking at his food with a sick expression in his face, not listening at all what was going on around.

"Hey, Moony," Sirius whispered, loud enough for him to hear above James and Peter's voices, getting closer across the table. Remus face rose a little, as if silently questioning a simple 'what?' His eyes, though, never looked at Sirius. He left them fixed in a random spot on the table, close to his untouched plate or food. His friend frowned at this.

"Why aren't you eating?" Sirius asked, when he realized that was all the attention he was going to get. "Aren't you hungry? Do you feel ok? You don't look so good…" Remus flinched tinily at the words, and looked at the food again. With a grimace of disgust, he pushed his plate apart.

"I _am_ hungry," he finally said, his voice low and sounding hoarse. Sirius thought about the screaming last night and remembered why it sounded that way. Remus shouts echoing across the empty stairs that leaded to the rooms, and his non present tears. Tears that should have been there. If only he wasn't so damn stubborn. "but I can't stand to see the food, it's making me sick" Sirius was brought to the present and thought about what was being said. 'He's hungry but food makes him sick? What kind of logic is that? Maybe Madam Pomfrey will…' and suddenly, remembering the nurse, he dropped his gaze from Remus face to look at his hands. There should be wounds there, since they didn't had neither time nor spirit to treat them. After all, it was just after cleaning everything in silence that the others came, and Remus went to sleep immediately, closing the curtains of his bed. 'You can't run from everything, Remus' Sirius thought. He looked closely at the clenched hands. They didn't have a strong grip, but they were closed enough so the palms were hidden. They were surely not treated, and probably infected by now. Sirius sighed and looked nonchalantly at the right, so his voice wouldn't reach James and Peter, but would be heard by Remus.

"You should treat them, you know?" Remus flinched more noticeably this time, and closed his hands a little more, which in time brought him more pain.

"They will be reopened tonight anyway," he explained in a low voice, still not looking up. He flexed his hands a little and sighed "and I really don't care," he finished, attempting to take the hands away and hide them under the table. Attempt that was halted by Sirius, who's hands had reached up in a quick movement to grab the wounded ones of his friend. With wide eyes, and a little bit of disbelief in his voice, mixed with disappointment, he said.

"Well, I _do_ care. You should…" but he never got to finish. Remus's eyes had widened so much and then almost close in a frown of pain, a hiss creep out of his mouth. He took the hands away quickly and in a flash he was gone. Sirius blinked at the empty space in front of him, his hand reached out to grab… nothing.

"What was that!" He heard James say. Sirius blinked again and looked at James, who was watching the empty space in front of Sirius. Peter, though, was following someone's path with his little watery eyes.

"Where is Remus going?" He asked, frowning at the one who was looking at. Sirius followed Peter's gaze path and found Remus figure running down the hall, dodging some of the students that were coming down to have a late breakfast or the ones who were heading for the common rooms or maybe for a sunny day outside the castle. James looked at him again, frowning at his stretched arm.

"What have you done now!" he demanded, but Sirius didn't stay to answer. He jumped from the seat and throwing his legs to the other side of the bench, almost killing himself in the process, started running after Remus.

'You can't run from me, Remus' he thought.

After running for some time, he found his friend walking down one of the halls. He halted at finally finding him and then started running again to reach him. Remus, hearing the steps behind him, looked back for a second, without even stopping his walk. His eyes clashed with Sirius, and he was surprised to see no emotion there. Remus looked forward again, and kept walking fast towards the next hall. Sirius, still surprised at the empty gaze he received, almost missed the turn.

"Moony!" he shouted, catching up again "what happened? Why did you…"

"Leave it," Remus said, without even casting a glance at him. That took Sirius by surprise again. It didn't last, though, cause soon anger started to rise in him.

"Leave it! No way! Why don't you… I mean, after yesterday I thought…"

"Forget about yesterday" Remus interrupted his already stuttering speech. Sirius frowned, signs of suppressed anger showing in his temple.

"Damit! Why is it always two steps behind for every damn step forward you make?"

Remus didn't stop walking, his longs strides echoing in the empty halls of the school. He didn't even answer, accomplishing nothing more but to bother Sirius even more, who sighed exasperated.

"Look, at least just let me take care of your wounds, ok?" A flinch again, a shudder, and the Remus turned to the right so suddenly that Sirius almost lost him.

"Moony! Moony, stop! C'mon!" he shouted, patience slowly leaving him. He didn't want to chase him eternally! He just wanted to sit and talk like the damn civilized people they were supposed to be. Sometimes. Maybe. Well, at least they were people…

But he was sick of this running. And sick of Remus silence, his childish attitude.

"Go away, go back" Remus said, not halting in his strides. His light hair was tided in a ponytail at his neck, and the locks of hair bouncing softly with the steps. Sirius got distracted by the hair, noticing the white strands there, when they passed by a window and the light from outside illuminated them. He shook his head, coming back to reality and processing the words.

"Wah! No! Why?" He said finally, when the words reached his brain.

"Just…go." It was said softly, as if the first signs of doubt were showing their heads. Sirius grabbed from that tiny hope and pushed his luck.

"Remus, can you stop for a minute and talk!"

"No" And with that rotund negative, all signs of doubt left the voice. Sirius's exasperation burst in a fist on the wall. 'damn, that hurt,' he thought.

"Why did you go so suddenly?" he demanded. He just wanted the damn answers, it wasn't that much to ask, was it?

"…" Apparently it was…

"Remus, it's full moon tonight, if you don't talk to me, then later…"

"No" And finally, Remus stopped. His back still to Sirius, hands clenched at his sides, not minding the pain that the gesture caused "You won't go today. I will be alone in the shrieking shack. Don't come, any of you." His voice still sounded rough, his face looked at the right, looking at the wall, still not facing Sirius completely.

"But you need us there!" he blurted. It wasn't like him to say affirmations like that. Not about Remus, anyway. And he knew that. And Remus knew too, for which he turned sharply, and finally looked at his friend with empty, but weird enough, strong eyes. It was a gaze full of contradiction. How a gaze could hold so much emptiness and still feel so heavy, so resolute? If Sirius was a man to show fear, he would have gulped by now. But he was not like that, and when confronted by his friend's resolute gaze, he would only answer in kind.

"What do you know about what I need?" Remus all but spatted. Where his eyes stayed emotionless, the voice was full of feeling. And Sirius heard the hatred there. We wondered for a moment, but realized it was not aimed at him, but at Remus himself. He wished it was the former. That way, at least, he would have known what to do. Remus shook his head, a smirk of the same hatred lifted his lip "and even if I knew, I can't very well answer to every damn need all the time! Not when… when it's…" He frowned at his incapacity to finish what he was saying and turned back again, facing the hall one more time. "Just, don't, ok?"

But before he could start walking again, Sirius reached forward, afraid his friend would try to run again, and grabbed his arm.

"At least tell me why!" he demanded. Remus hissed at the contact again, and Sirius realized it was not because of any wound, as he thought before. It was something different that made him hiss like that.

Taking his arm free with a sharp move, Remus hissed. "Don't touch me"

"Why?" Sirius asked, now curious. He couldn't understand what was happening at all, but he intended to find out "Does it hurt you? I don't remember you having any wound h…" Remus suddenly turned and his arms reached forward, backing Sirius sharply to the wall, pinning him. Sirius, now close enough to notice, saw a spark of something in Remus eyes, that were almost yellow with closeness of the full moon. Suddenly noticing how close it felt Remus' breath he dropped his eyes to lay them on his friend's full lips. So close and tempting… And flashes of his forgotten dream came back. Remus lips on his, his hands, they felt so soft but strong in the dream. Not like now, when they were gripping his wrists. They felt rough; he felt the calluses and the wounds half healed. They felt more real than they have been in the dream. And better.

Sirius mentally widened his eyes at the realization of what he was thinking, but didn't show anything in the exterior. Instead, he looked deeply and resolute into Remus' eyes, that this close showed so many emotions that it looked empty from far. He understood then why was it that the gaze felt so contradictory. You just had to look close enough to see.

"It's not a wound, and you know it," Remus whispered in a low voice that wavered from the intensity "It hurts in other way; it lies beyond the skin, something that you are not able to stop or ignore, and still you just have to. Or else you will… _I_ will… Before it's…"

Sirius reached up and grabbed the arm that was holding his other hand to the wall. Sure enough, the hiss came again and Remus averted his gaze to the floor at his side.

"It hurts" Sirius stated, watching Remus face intensely.

"Yess," came Remus's answer, half a word, half a hiss, the sound almost coming from a rumble in the guts.

"Why?"

"…"

"Why!" He demanded, strengthening his hold, and Remus suddenly exploded, taking his arm apart with a strength it clearly showed the closeness of the wolf inside.

"BECAUSE IT'S YOU, DAMNIT!" He shouted, facing Sirius who was immobilized, taken aback by the outburst. He looked for three long seconds in silence, the walls still echoing with the shout, and then he whipped around and started walking again, his back even more tense than before.

Sirius shook his head, still looking at the wall before him, and the slowly fading steps of Remus in his ear. But his stillness didn't last much, and deciding to drop the sudden comment, for it was too much to ponder right now, he turned to follow his friend just in time to catch him walking to the mass of stairs that lead to the seven floors of Howarts.

"So you don't want us there, is that so?" he demanded, turning to the previous discussion in favor off letting the latest one rest for some time.

"… Maybe," he answered nonchalantly, as if the emptiness had come back to his eyes, even if he could only watch his back, climbing the stairs two steps at a time.

"What do you mean 'maybe'? Remus, are you mad at us!"

"No"

"Then why!" It sounded like a whine, but it wasn't. Really.

"Because… Just don't be there" He turned and climbed the next stairs, leading to the second floor.

"I don't like that answer. Not at all!" He almost stomped his foot, like the spoiled child he was not. But having 16 years old kind of ruined the emotion. So he didn't stomp his foot. Nor did he pouted, for that matter. Remus stopped for a second and turned to look at him, three steps lower.

"Well then you should go other place and find one you DO like! One that satisfies you!" he said, throwing his arms in sign of exasperation.

"…" Sirius lack of comment was the cue for him to turn back and resume his climbing. Soon enough, Sirius followed with the delayed words.

"What do you mean by that?" There was a hint of curiosity there, as if the anger and exasperation at Remus actions had lessened a little because of a sudden interesting thing to ponder.

"I don't know" he answered detachedly, almost shrugging.

"I don't understand it, Remus" he said, almost pleading.

It was all about almost emotions between them, not showing something entirely for fear that it will be used against each one's perfectly built wall. But half emotions were not enough, when the walls start crumbling.

"Well, good!" Remus answered, a mocking tone in his words. "Maybe you don't have to. Maybe you can't! Maybe it was meant for you not to understand it at all!"

"Are you even talking about the answer? Because I have the feeling that you changed subject somewhere" he said, following Remus's back to a new stair and now heading for the third floor.

"I don't know" Remus repeated, 'his sentence of the day' Sirius thought, bitterly.

"Fuck, Remus, I'm sick of this!" He said, the voice too high to be a mere sentence, but not loud enough to qualify as a shout. It was Sirius voice demanding something. It was a Black's voice of authority expressing an opinion, and as much as he hated to use it or even admit he had it, it worked to stop Remus from climbing another set of stairs. He himself was standing in the middle of the stairs, slightly panting from the fast climbing and the half shout. And he hated to admit it, but he still felt his heart thumping inside his chest, remembering Remus eyes close to his, and those tempting lips and fierce look.

Shaking away those thoughts again, he looked up, where Remus stood, in the third floor, just at the beginning of the stair. His hair was a bit ruffled by the walk, some strands being loose from the tie at the back, and laying upon his cheeks, framing his face. Sirius noticed the chest heaving with each breath, and he knew he was agitated too, despite the cool and detached façace. His eyes look down at Sirius, with that look that, now he knew, looked empty from this far. If only he could get closer…

Just to see some emotion in those amber eyes…

Sirius sighed, and shook his head in resignation.

"As much as I want to, I can't bloody read you like an open book!" He started, arms flying in exasperation "And you keep talking in codes, expecting me to understand… well sometimes I won't! Sometimes, you will have to talk to me! Because I can't always be the one keeping this friendship working, you know? Sometimes I do need to be reached too! So don't bloody take things for granted!" he finished, panting heavily now. But it felt good, to finally say those words. It felt so good.

He watched silently as Remus stricken face started to knock down all those carefully built barriers. He started shaking, his head lowered, bangs hiding his eyes. And when his mouth opened to say something, Sirius carefully placed gaze suddenly moved unwittingly when the stairs in which he was standing in decided to move. He grabbed himself from the railing to stop himself from falling, and when he recovered his balance and looked up again to were the stairs led before they moved, the last thing he saw of Remus was the rim of his robes disappearing behind the wall

"Fuck!"

To Be continued

Author's notes: I think there's a big difference in the style of which this chapter is written. One part of it is intentional, since this is Sirius PoV, but I know this chapter lacks some revising and polishing. I would have loved to take more time, but the update came late enough as it is. Thing is, Work is consuming much of my time, and other stuff of life in general, so I had barely time to write this one. I sincerely apologize for the quality of this chapter, and I will try to do my best to improve it in the next one, which will be probably the last one of this story, I think. I can't promise a fast update, though. I'll do my best so it doesn't take more than a month, but I wanted you to know so you decide to wait for it or not, I won't get mad what's better, I won't even know ;P for those of you who like this enough to want to read the next chapter, well, review is a great incentive, you know? So, let me know what you think of it, even if it's critic, because I like to hear critic to


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for all of those who reviewed! bows Japanese style **

**Genre:** He. Hehe. No idea. How about a Romantic Friendship? Or a Funny Drama:D I can tell you for sure there will probably be lots of things. Nothing extremely sad, I'm a Happy Ending sucker.

**Rating:** T just to be sure.

**Parings:** Sirius and Remus. Still friendly interest? Mwahahaha. No. More, if you look :P Developing into a SxR

**Warnings:** hum. Language, a bit. Violence? Not brutal violence, just, yanno… not angst, not deaths, just teens and they're wonderings. Sap? Hey! They're friends! They say happy things:D AND LIME! Just a tiny lime...

**Disclaimer:** Hahahaha….naaaah, don't own'em. Wait. Do you? O.o

**Author's note:** Ok. Same stuff, I don't have any beta and I probably need one. If you see any mistakes, and you surely will, inform me if they bother you or ignore them if they don't. Beta, anyone? grin

And about the fic. This is the last part of the fic. I'm planning on taking the storyline and timeline to write about other things that happened (in my brain), if you're interested... :D To review is so easy that it should be illegal ;P

**Close to the full moon**

Chapter 3

**By Complexly Simple Kiddo**

The scratching of a feather against a parchment was faint, but in the silence of the room, it was still the first thing to hear when entering. The place, some would say, was just an old dusty place. For others, though, it would be considered as a special room.

The boy sitting in one of the furthest tables was certainly one of the latest group.

His head was bowed, his nose almost scratching the parchment along with his quill. The windows of the room were all covered by curtains, to block the burning sun of the incoming summer, for no other purpose that to protect the thousands of books that were housed in there. However, in some places here and there, a light breeze would make the cloths wave, and rays of a sunset-like orange hue would cast a dance of shadows over random tables.

Remus was sitting in one of those random tables, and even if one could think that the sudden flashes of light would bother him, or grab his attention, the fact was that he seemed completely unaffected.

Therefore, it was unexpected when, without any light or movement visible producing it, Remus suddenly flinched and dropped his quill, the remaining ink in it spreading over a piece of parchment on the left of the writing. He rested his forehead on the table, his bangs falling over his side, covering every sight of his face.

Some long seconds passed by that way, slowly scrolling by the static moment. When he noticed the stillness of the situation, he laughed from inside, thinking it was a very appropriated moment to hear the ticking of a clock. It could be any clock, he analyzed, from an old pendulum-like one to a muggle common modern one. It could be a magic clock, even. Anything that ticked, really.

Instead he could hear his heart. It's thumping slowly accelerating, every bombing of the arteries resonating in his ears. That was the beginning of the headache. It wasn't often for him to have a headache before the transformation, but it happened sometimes.

He still preferred to hear any ticking instead of his heart. One could say it was almost the same. After all, both sounds signaled the passing of time. For him, though, they were very, very different.

He raised his head, the locks of hair slowly sliding over his cheeks and falling limply at the sides. It was then, with the face finally uncovered; that the very first signal of something misplaced was showing.

Common eyes just weren't that yellow.

It was slightly concealed by the orange light, but if one would look properly, one would notice something different. Something surreal.

Before it could get too noticeable, he grabbed his books and belongings, scattered all over the table, and put everything in his bag, then left the library in a steady but quick pace.

The lateness of the afternoon made the hallways mostly empty, with the occasional appearance of some older students walking by. It was a good thing, which was mostly noticed in that kind of situations, that he was used to pass by unnoticed when he wanted to. It was something that he trained unconsciously since very little. It wasn't something special, really. Anyone born or raised with a difference would be able to do it. Trying to get the minimal attention, so people wouldn't notice, so people wouldn't murmur. So people wouldn't hurt. When he met his friends, and the so-called Marauders were created, the attention was inevitable. And he was scared. But then, after days of drawing attention, he discovered a very unusual –for him- thing: sometimes, when you want people not to notice something on you, it was better to attract attention. So people notice you, but don't. He couldn't comprehend it at first. It defied all logic for him. But then he started to deepen his friendship with Sirius, and he understood. Not only he understood the contradictory logic behind that affirmation, but Sirius himself.

He watched it work so perfectly for him. There was not one soul on Hogwarts that wouldn't know Sirius. There was not one soul in Hogwarts that would be indifferent to him. You either hated him, or loved him. It was just like that. And despise that, despise being almost all the time in the spotlight, no one, not even one soul besides the marauders themselves, knew Sirius at all. It was a game of deception. Put an image, a mask, to the lot. Don't let them see you bleed. Just show what you want to, and show it good. Make them love you or hate you. That way, they won't ever know you.

Sirius taught that to him. And he started to comprehend it. But comprehending it didn't mean he was able to use it as his friend did, so, even if he used it when he, by some mysterious reason, was noticed, he still preferred passing by unnoticed. That way, no one had to love him or hate him. Just ignore him. It worked for him, it always have had. Why change it now?

Sirius could keep being hated or loved, he proved himself right. God, did he proved... How could he argue that logic when he himself knew it was so true. Hated or loved. Indeed.

He made it to the infirmary quite fast, so used to the path that he knew how to make the fastest route.

Even before entering he could guess by the noise that there was an unusual quantity of people in there. Opening the doors carefully, the first sight that greeted him was of a multitude of students by some occupied beds. These beds, in fact, were occupied by some more students. He wondered the unusual concurrence of people, and then, seeing the predominance of some colors in the robes, he remembered that today was the match of Slythering against Hufflepuff. The fact that the colors of the injured ones showed more yellow than green talked quite some about the result of the match. And of the style of game of the opponent. He shook his head at the usual reminding of Slythering's brutality on quidditch, and entered. He had forgotten the game completely and, groaning inside, some three people would have certainly noticed his absence. Not wanting to think about it right now, he headed to the little office at the back of the room. Before he reached it, though, Madam Pomfry walked out of it, her arms full of magic medical products. She seemed pretty agitated. Looking around, he could clearly see why.

"Come on, come on!" she shouted indignant "leave the patients alone already! I can't cure them with all this mess! Go on!" she urged the students to leave the room, which they left murmuring and disappointed. On the bed tables there were already lots of get well gifts. From candies to cards. He smiled faintly and looked up again, watching, from some corner he ended up in, how the poor lady dealt with so many patients at the same time. Her hair was starting to look disheveled and her voice grew higher and higher every time someone would call her.

Remus shook his head, amused, and went to talk to her. Before he could say a word, though, she looked at him and her eyes grew wider.

"Oh, god, is it time already?" She looked around desperately and then to the pile of products in her hands. Remus smiled again, this time wider, and put a hand in her shoulder.

"Don't worry, Madam, I can go alone, really. You're more needed here now. I'll be ok" lowering his voice even more, he continued "I certainly remember the path quite well by now, don't you think?" She smiled, still with that little spark of pity in her eyes. Remus hand flinched and he remembered to ignore it. She was a really nice lady, always taking good care of him. But she pitied him. And every time he saw it, he couldn't help but feel angry. It was a faint anger. He knew by now that it was probably a selfish attitude from his part. It was logic for people to feel pity. Who wouldn't? He shouldn't feel so angry. But he couldn't help it either.

"Oh, no, child, I can't let you go alone, Dumbledore..." She started, but Remus interrupted her politely.

"Dumbledore certainly knows that I have grown by now, and he surely knows that by my age I don't need someone to take me there. Besides, Dumbledore himself wouldn't want you to leave all this mess." When he finished, Madam Pomfry looked almost convinced. Almost. You could see in her face that she was debating whether to follow the routine so perfectly respected by now, or to follow logic. The internal debate didn't get to progress that much, but at least by the end of it she knew he certainly needed an assistant.

Remus, sensing her doubts, added as his last resource.

"Really, look around, all this students need you much more that I do now. As long as you go to find me tomorrow, then no one will be harmed." The lady looked around one more time, and with resolution in her expression, she nodded to him. Remus smiled a little smile, and reassured her.

"I will be ok, I promise" she smiled widely then, her shoulders relaxed as if a great weight had been lifted out of them. Remus, now sure that he could freely go, and not wanting to waste any more time, turned around and left the place. Before he could leave too far, though, he got to hear the faint words of the woman, barely whispered and probably not meant to be heard. She couldn't know how much Remus senses were amplified on full moons.

"What a brave child..." she muttered, and got herself drowned in the crowd of injured people.

Remus got out of the room, the door closing behind him. He took a moment to breath deep and then relaxed the hands that, he noticed then, were clenched firmly at his sides, nails digging into the skin.

He was completely conscious that she thought that in a nice and probably motherly kind of way. But he couldn't help to hear the traces of pity behind that voice. Walking down the stairs, he remembered the first time that his friends discovered about his lycantropy. Harsh as they were, he would never forget Sirius words, and so far, they have been the only really good ones anyone ever told him. But of course, in that moment they didn't look so good, he didn't appreciate the sincerity, and he didn't knew Sirius's face was THAT hard. That punch still hurt his hand when he thought of it.

The sun hit him in the face when he stepped outside. It wasn't a strong light, the kind that makes you close your eyes in paint, but it was obnoxious anyway.

Although, that wasn't what made Remus' s face fall. It was the mere fact that there was still light. And being close to the summer, it would last awhile.

Of all the years of his lycanthropy, he remembered with most hatred the times when the full moon came out in the daylight. He knew it was a stupid and pointless thought, but he felt that darkness suited his transformation better. There was something about night that made all the horrible things somewhat fictional. You know they're happening, know they're true, but the night made all those things look as if they all belong together to a big fairytale. Or a novel. Or a movie. Night made facts look like fiction. So when such things as his transformation were brought to the daylight, it made them grotesque. Illuminate them and they become true, real and completely horrible in the worst form.

So, when he stepped outside and saw the sun still relatively high on the sky to last sometime, he realized today was one of those days. He could feel the moon barely an hour and a half far.

Shaking his head with resignation, he started walking down the path that led him to the well-known tree. On the silent walk, he started to remember other times in the past, some far and some closer, on which he made the same walk. So many years...

He accelerated his pace, noticing that he was getting lost in memories, and not wanting that to happen, he tried to get to the tree as fast as he could.

He reached the end of the dark tunnel at last, and entered the house. If it could be called house, that is. I was funny, though, how much he hated and loved that place. The dusty floors, never cleaned, sometimes even with spots of dried blood, when some nights had became a nightmare of scratching and ripping and screams. The old woods of the roof, that whined with the winter winds or moaned with the summer heats. The old broken stairs, always cracking and about to fall if one would try to climb them. The boarded windows, from were the light entered in rays just across any minimal gape that the thick woods allowed. It was a very old and broken place. But he knew it at heart, and knowing it so well made the line of hate and love even thinner for him. At the end, he just end up not caring what he felt. He had to go to that place every full moon, despise of what he might feel.

Closing the door that lead to the tunnel, he entered the place and suddenly felt very tired. The effects of unconsciously fighting the wolf this last days, as it always happened when the call was not too strong yet, the fact that he hadn't had so much sleep lately, and most of all, fighting against this terrible hunger. It was not about food, and he knew it. He wouldn't lie to himself, saying it was a complicated thing. But being a werewolf complicate it. His feelings as a human were comprehend by the human just perfectly. The wolf, though, didn't understand human feelings that well, so the wolf would just interpret them as the closer thing he understood it for. Wolfs had instinct, not feelings.

His feet lead him to the wide bed that was placed in a corner of the room. It was mostly there for two things. The first one was for him to use it when the transformation was over. And it was placed there mostly so the wolf wouldn't find it in its way and try to destroy it. He let himself fall in the bed, suddenly feeling a little better when his head hit the pillow. But the tiredness was still so strong. He could feel the moon just half an hour close now, and the silence of the place reminded him of his solitude. He wouldn't let himself be sad for it, it was him who asked it to be that way. He guessed it was his selfish self that thought that maybe, just maybe, they wouldn't pay his words any attention, and would have come anyway. But he hated his selfish self, so it wasn't that important anyway. He turned in the bed, and lay on his side, facing the door. His eyes were starting to blur now, both because of the imminent morphing, and because of sleep. When the wolf felt the moon rising in the horizon, the silhouette almost invisible in the orange hue of the sky, the crawling started, scratching from the inside of his mind and body to take him over. He stood still, almost relaxed, as if nothing was happening, or it was, but he felt too tired and far away to care. And the limbs started to stretch on their own, his eyes not leaving the door, where a faint blurry shadow of a man stood standing. He smiled faintly, eyes almost closed, and he let the wolf take him, this time without any fight. If he would have any energy, he would have been surprised at how easy it was to give in.

Eyes just a faint yellow slit now, he murmured as if he was about to fell asleep, his gaze still fixed in the shadow his own delirious mind created.

"And it's only fitting, that this illusion of mine it's you." And with that, the wolf silently took over.

He woke up slowly, as he always did, especially on those mornings. It could be noon, actually, for all he knew. As soon as he was awake enough to think, he did his usual account of damage guiding himself with the pain, so he didn't have to open his eyes yet. First of all he felt his hands. The wounds, as he predicted, had opened again. He found the most itching place to be his neck, which he concluded as the aim of most the scratchiness.

And then there were the shoulders, mostly just nail dents and nothing more. So, he thought, after all it wasn't that bad. The places didn't surprise him, either. The neck was predictable. The hands were inevitable. The shoulders were a common thing. But, despise the pains, he couldn't remember a single thing about the night. The last thing he remembered was feeling kind of awed about how easy it was not to fight back, and the illusion that stood before his eyes. He let out a sarcastic bitter laugh and shook his head, still without opening his eyes or moving much from his place in the bed.

"Even when I don't intend to, I still have to see you as an illusion, Sirius."

"And I wonder why is that" A voice, instead of the silence that he thought he would get, commented on his affirmation. A voice he knew quite well, in fact.

Despise the surprise, though, his eyes opened slowly. He found himself lying in the same position as yesterday, and wondered for a minute if he actually moved at all. Any wondering, though, was interrupted by his mind registering the silhouette of the same man as yesterday, only this time he was sitting close to the door, his back against the wall, knees raised and arms stretched, resting on them. His head was thrown back, and Remus heard the heavy panting. Still, he could see his eyes barely opened, watching him behind heavy lids. Remus didn't got up, either. In fact, one could say he didn't even notice the man, nor did he cared to. But he did, and he cared.

"And let me guess," Remus started, his voice sounding rough and low in the silence of the room. "You were here all night long"

"Yes" the man answered simply, head still against the wall, his voice with that usual tone that dared anyone to question him and his acts.

"Why?" Remus asked, almost detached.

"Because." The man smiled faintly, laughing silently at a private joke. Remus frowned at that.

"I don't like that answer" He said without thinking, and then remembered the day before, and the almost similar situation. The man looked at him with an eloquent face and Remus almost blushed. Almost.

"Then deal with it," the other said, after a sigh and closing his eyes. Remus was silent for a moment.

"You're wounded, Sirius" He noticed, his voice sounding a little bit more urgent, but it was so faint that one could think it wasn't there, and it was so covered with tiredness that it was impossible to notice anyway.

"So are you, and you don't hear me complaining" Remus wasn't a fool, he could hear the sarcasm starting to dominate the words of his friend, little by little. He decided to ignore it for now. Taking a hand to his neck, feeling the marks there, he noticed why they weren't that deep. They weren't his own sharp and deadly claws that did that. He was sure he would have done it, and maybe almost killing himself in the process, but someone else did it for him, someone who's claws were less sharp and deadly.

"The scratching... was that you?" He asked, just to be reaffirmed. He knew he was being irrational, knowing that he had done that, being grateful for it, and still asking and knowing he was going to act a bit mad about it. It was simply beyond his control.

"Yes. Are you going to blame me? Be mad?" eyebrows raised without opening his eyes, Sirius waited for the answer to an almost rhetoric question. It wasn't actually one, but his tone of voice made it sound like one.

" You didn't have to"

"So you say" Remus frowned deeply at this. So much sarcasm was impossible to ignore, and to be honest it maddened him quite a lot. How he dared question him? How he dared...

"I told you not to. I told you, and still you come. Why should I be happy?" Remus, this time, wasn't that relaxed in the bed. His shoulders were tense holding back the spat, his voice almost trembled with the intensity of it and his eyes were wide open now. Not relaxed at all.

Sirius ignored the mad tone of Remus voice. Either that or he didn't notice it. The fact was that he stayed in the floor, sitting as if there was no tomorrow, his hands bleeding a little, the nails a deep purple, and his face scratched all around. When the silence was long enough that Remus was about to break it again, Sirius decided to talk. His voice, as deep as always, sounded tired, but the question lacked the usual sarcasm, and sounded actually curious, like he really wanted to know the answer, and was awed for not knowing it.

"Tell me, Remus, what do you want?" Remus, immediately feeling defensive, answered quickly, annoyed by Sirius attitude.

"I want you to leave" He growled. Just for good measure. Sirius put his head back in normal position, and opened his eyes for the first time. If Remus was surprised to find the redness of dried tears on those eyes, he hid it well.

"Don't give me that bullshit, Remus. I know you don't." Remus looked away, this time, a bit of regret showing in his face. "What is it that you want?" Sirius repeated, his eyes not leaving Remus face.

"I want to be alone"

"Wrong. What is it that you want, Remus?" Standing up, Sirius started walking, reducing the space between him and the bed slowly. Remus noticed this, and his face showed the sudden panic that took over him.

"I want you to go!" He raised his voice, suddenly and quite incomprehensibly scared. He made an attempt to move, but found he couldn't. He wasn't sure why, and it probably had to do with the fact that he deeply didn't wanted to, but he refused to believe it. Stuck in the bed as he was, the slow pace of his friend was maddening.

"Lie, what is it that you want, Remus?" The dreaded question again, and Remus felt tired of it. Tired of lying, tired of running from whatever he was running from. Tired of not even knowing what he was running from. Tired of feeling so damn scared.

Frowning and grimacing with sudden pain, he curved himself on the bed, clutching his knees and instinctively protecting his stomach. Tears came to his eyes, but he wouldn't let them flow. Not even a single one.

"I want it to stop hurting" He finally moaned with pain, his injured hands grabbing more strongly his knees, and his face half hidden on the pillow, but still not loosing sigh with Sirius, who at that answer raised his eyebrows, not in surprise, but in a knowing gesture.

"And why does it hurt?" He asked this time, inching closer and closer to the bed, barely bleeding hands now in the pant's pockets, walking slowly in a casual posture. Remus glared at him and answered, not without a bit of rage.

"Because it's hungry" He almost shouted, but his hoarse voice wouldn't let him. Sirius now reached the bed, and sat on it, as if he was a person that was merely checking on an ill friend. He spent awhile not looking at Remus, his gaze was steady but unfocused, watching in the direction of the door. Remus doubted he was looking at the door, or at anything in this room, actually. But the proximity made him more panicked, and even more immobilised. Sirius, arms resting, hanging between his legs, his back a little bowed and glassy gaze, spoke again, only this time the sound came out so low and whispered, that Remus felt somehow glad that his senses were a bit amplified still.

"And why does the wolf feel hunger?"

Remus was silent. He knew the answer, but was not inclined to give it. His gaze followed Sirius's and they both watched the door and beyond, still in the bed of that old and crumpled house. When he understood that he wouldn't be able to get away without an answer, he sighed, letting go the air he didn't notice was holding, and spoke.

"I don't know" That at least broke the stillness of the situation, for Sirius immediately whipped his head around to look at him, pinning him in the bed with his half glare, half sad expression. Hi turned his upper part of his body and faced Remus, laying his arms at both sides of him in the bed, and lowering himself to be closer, his voice barely a whisper now.

"Why do you keep trying to hurt us with lies?" Remus flinched slightly, both because of the words and the sudden proximity of Sirius. Both were causing pain, even if they were different kinds. So it was unavoidable, was it? He wasn't allowed to lie anymore. But how could they, after all these years of so perfectly hidden lies and half trues?

"Because I'm scared, Sirius" He answered, for the first time in what felt like centuries, honestly. Grey eyes closed tiredly, but opened again to spoke. When they were opened again, though, the gaze had changed. There was some determination there that was stronger than ever. This time, he didn't have to voice the question for Remus to understand.

"I'm..." Remus started, feeling weak against that questioning gaze. The closeness wasn't helping either "I'm a werewolf. I can't..." But Sirius interrupted him with a bark of a bitter laugh. Being so close, and irrupting in the previously quiet atmosphere of the room, it started Remus quite a lot, and he couldn't contain the surprise in his face. Sirius, shaking his head, looked at him again, this time with a not so humorous smirk in his face.

"How long do you keep on using that excuse?" Remus couldn't answer to that, so he kept going, lowering himself even more, making the distance between their faces mere inches. "Tell me honestly, Remus, why does it feel hungry?"

"BECAUSE I WANT YOU, OK!" Remus shouted, somehow feeling relieved at letting go what he had been keeping inside for so long. He didn't knew how the truth would made Sirius react, so he always had covered with lies and half truths. Lately, though, it has been harder and harder, mostly because of the pain he felt every time Sirius touched him. The pain was not a usual pain, and he only way to describe it would be hunger. The same pain one could feel when food was negated for so long, and once you see some, you couldn't have it. That deep and primitive longing for something you couldn't have. Desperation, anguish and impotence all mixed up.

But despise any fear he might have got about Sirius and his reaction, what he never expected was Sirius current response. He found himself pressed on the bed, Sirius lips strongly against his own, and hands pinned at both his sides, fingers intertwined. It took him an embarrassing long time to realise that Sirius Black was kissing him.

It wasn't a long kiss, nor was it passionate. It was merely an affirmation, a reassurance, maybe, because neither of them had closed his eyes, and while Remus's were opened wide and showing surprise, Sirius's were watching his face intently, catching every single expression Remus gave away.

When he parted, his eyes were still connected. When Remus didn't show himself scared nor willing to go, Sirius finally spoke.

"Then have me. It's as simple as that" Remus, still amazed at the situation, frowned a bit, disbelieving.

"Could it really be that simple, Sirius?" It surprised even himself to hear in his voice such a tentative tone. For once, maybe, he was willing to believe it. It went against everything he ever believed for so many years. Maybe it was time for a change? Maybe he could...

Sirius smiled one of those rare smiles he reserved for none but Remus. His hand rose to put aside some strands of hair that had fall on Remus face and his palm then rested on the cheek.

"Let me show you, Moony" and with that, Sirius lowered his face again and this time took Remus bottom lip with his mouth, deliberately being slow and gentle. His hand went to Remus neck to raise his head a little, making his mouth more accessible. Remus, far from feeling any pain from the scratches, raised his hands and grabbed Sirius arms for balance, opening his mouth to the kiss and deepening it. His head fell back because of the intensity, and he turned it to the side to gain more dominance. It was Sirius turn to be surprised when, due to the sudden change, he lost balance and fell on the bed backwards, Remus looming over him and taking control of the situation. The kiss deepened and became more passionate, Remus pinned him to the bed straddling his legs, his hands holding Sirius's at both sides of his head. Sirius moaned in the kiss, both because of frustration of not being able to move his hands and because that same vulnerability made him quite turned on. After some time exploring themselves that way, Remus felt his hunger even more closer and desperate, incomprehensible as this was to him. He slowly lowered his hips and at the faintest touch he started rocking, the pleasure that caused making him mad. Sirius hissed at the contact too, and that was the break point for him being so passive. As if the sudden increase in pleasure made him rethink the current disposition, he pushed his hips up suddenly and when the contact made Remus part from the kiss, throwing his head back and growling with passion, he took the opportunity to set his hands free, pushing Remus up. He didn't stop there, making him fall to his back, and taking his surprise to his advantage, he was the one to pin him this time, their heads now pointing to the other side of the bed. Sirius smirked down at his friend, who was looking quite dishevelled right now, and lowered his head, putting his mouth close to Remus ear. Warm breath made him shudder, and Sirius smirked a little more.

"You know," He started, lips barely brushing the rim of the ear, and Remus raised his hips desperately, panting because of the exchange. Sirius raised too, putting distance between them, so the feel could concentrate only on Remus ear. "This hunger you feel, might never be put to rest this way. Maybe placated, but what if it raises again and again?" he nibbled the bud of the ear after that, taking the skin between his teeth and tasting barely with the tip of his tongue.

"I... Ahhh!" Whatever it was that Remus was about to say, was interrupted by a moan. The only contact between them was just that tiny bite, but that made it even stronger than it was. Sirius smirked, still with Remus ear between his teeth, and then lowered his head to start kissing softly the exposed neck. Which in time made it more exposed, since Remus threw his head back, elongating the moan with renewed force.

"I don't... Ahhh, I don't care!" He finally said, still thrusting his hips up. When Sirius let go of one of his hands to put it on his hip to steady it, Remus raised his liberated hand to sink it into Sirius's long hair. It felt as he always thought it would, only better because he was actually feeling it now. It slipped through his long fingers as if it was made of water. Remus tried to take his head and made him look at him in the eyes, taking him away, as much as he hated to, from his neck nibbling. Intense grey eyes looked back at him, heavy with passion and lust and understanding. He could see in that gaze that Sirius really wanted him, but being paranoid, as he didn't quite show he was, asked anyway.

"Will you... I don't mind as long as... I don't want to..." Remus shook his head in frustration. His inability to put his thoughts into words didn't surprise him, but he needed to be clear right now, and he was failing miserably so far. Sirius smiled, his eyes almost glowing with affection not many people knew he could show.

"You have to tell me, Remus. I need you to tell me."

He sighed. He let his head fall to the side, fixing his eyes in the door, not really seeing it at all. Feeling the touch of Sirius body all along his own, feeling the hunger inside him itch it's way to the surface, trying to get more contact and make Remus move. Feeling something in his chest constrict as the longing made itself more clear and persistent. Feeling Sirius eyes on him.

And he understood then. He had to say it, because no one would do it for him, and he will loose all the best opportunities in the word because he was too busy brooding over himself.

He turned his head back, amber eyes locked with grey ones, and slowly raised his hand to land it on Sirius cheek. He leaned into the contact, and placed a hand over Remus's.

"Will you stay with me?" He finally asked. Sirius smiled at the question, seemingly happy to finally see Remus asking him what he already knew. Not taking things for granted, reaching to him.

Lowering down, he placed a soft brush of lips over a tiny scar at the left of Remus eyebrow, and then put his lips close to the ear, murmuring so slow that every word seemed to have a big meaning in itself.

"As steady as the full moon comes, Moony"

And he claimed Remus lips again.

And YES! It's an END!

I'm happy to had finally reached the end, not because I didn't enjoy writing it (all the contrary!) but because I wanted to reach this point so much :D

Besides, I have had so little time to write that I'm glad I could finished it anyway, even if my updates took eons to come! I do hope you enjoyed this as much as I had, and for all who are interested, I might come to the same storyline to tell other stories. Specially that mysterious words Sirius seem to have said to Remus when the wolfiness was discovered–wink wink- But if I do, I will start a new story, for now and for ever, Close To The Full Moon is OVER :D

Thanks to all the people who followed this, reviews or not! Many hugs for those who reviewed! And See ya all!


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